Clarity

Things happen for a reason. I've heard that so may times, but only now am i really beginning to see what it means. God is always behind the scenes and He allows certain things to happen for a reason. He never wills bad things to happen, but He allows it to happen for various reasons and it is up to us to pray and figure out what that reason is. I am beginning to the see the reason behind my situations.

God, time and time again, has continued to be faithful. He is a faithful God (Deut 32:4). While I was in India I had certain issues that I had to figure out. My spirit desired God and God desired me, but my flesh wanted otherwise (Matt 26:41). At times I wanted to go back to Davis because I wanted to be comfortable. I did not want to go back home to L.A. because I now how it is at my home. I was selfish and was only thinknig about myself, I wanted to be around all my friends and just be "happy." I continued to pray for God to give me understand, wisdom, discernment, and to remove my desires and fill me with His. God wanted me to trust Him and seek His kingdom and He showed me that He is Lord and that His understanding far surpasses my own (Phil 4:7). God led me to do certain things that was confusing at the time, I even had the audacity to question God. I wanted to leave things they way they were, but God was telling me that there needs to be change. I thought to myself and even asked God "why?" but I got no answer while I was in India. Regardless, I chose to have faith in Him, just like Abraham and many others in the bible did, so I did what God asked of me. I made some changes. It was hard for me, but He sustained me. He gave me peace and joy through out the trip and I was able to focus a lot more on the Indian people and my team rather than on myself.

However, towards the end of the trip I began to feel confused again and thought of "why" came up in my head again. And I began to pray that God would give me a clear reason that I would be certain my actions where right. When I came back to the U.S. it was a little difficult being back and transitioning back. i wasn't sure what to do with myself and part of me just wanted to go back to my old routine and my old self before I went on the India summer project. Later on in the week God answered my prayers. He gave me a clear as crystal sign that I did what I was suppose to do, it wasn't something that I wanted to hear but it was so good to see that God is faithful. He again sustained me through this and filled me with joy and happiness. In addition everything else in my life began to make sense. I was suppose to stay in Davis for summer school, but God changed my plans last minute and I am headed home to L.A in a couple of days, for a month. Initially I was disappointed for my own selfish reasons, but now I clearly see why God is sending me there. I need to serve His kingdom and grow more with Him and tell others of His wonderful glory. I also need to help my family, mend relationships, and continue to rely on Him.

There were just soooo many changes that hit me the first week I got back from India and pretty much all of them were painful changes. God wanted me to realize that the experience that I had in India isn't something that should be forgotten. It is something that I need to experience to change things in my life. God pursued and fought for my heart and He won.