Desiring Him

I just got back from India a couple of days ago. I was there for 6 intense weeks where God was able to stretch my faith, take me out of my comfort zone and change my heart. I was able to learn a lot about Indian culture, religion, hobbies, and what the most important things were in the lives of the students. I was also able to share everything about myself and what was most important in my life, Jesus.

This was not the first time that I had seen intense poverty, but it was the first time were i was able to really comprehend everything that was going. I felt like as my relationship with God continued to grow, my heart for the nations also continued to grow. Seeing the children in the slums, hearing about the women in the brothels, Seeing the blind worshiping of idols, seeing the corruption in leadership positions and seeing the way men treat women like objects just shattered my heart into pieces. I remember praying to God to break my heart for what breaks His and He seemed to be doing just that.

God continued to convict and He fought for my heart and desired for me to completely surrender to Him. Of Course, me being human I resisted. I wanted this trip to India to be the first and last. I wanted to go back to the U.S. and continue my normal life. I wanted to follow MY desires not God's. I just wanted this India summer project to be an experience, a cool story to tell, but half way through the project God made me realize that i need to choose Him over all else. It was actually hard to do just that and I am ashamed to admit that. I remember that in prayers i would always say "God use me, change my desires to Your desires and I will go where you want me to go." I realized that I always said that I dedicated my life to God, but I never really lived it. I thought that because I went on summer projects for a few weeks that I was doing my fair share of spreading God's truth. The idea of me going to some foreign land for a whole year was out of the questions to me. In my head I never wanted to be a missionary.

I feel that this summer I truly was able to grow in my relationship with God and I truly believe that If I seek first the kingdom of God then He will provide me with all my needs. He has continued to show me how faithful He is. He has continued to answer my prayers and help me understand what it means to surrender to Him.

He pursues me and I want to pursue Him back. I desire God to be central in my life.