So this is just part of a poem that I stole off of someone's notes on facebook...
A POEM ABOUT OUR GIRLFRIENDS
...love you and your circumstances.
And the word says, 'If I have not Love, I am nothing.'
So, again, love you.
Love that you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say, ‘I am too Blessed d to be stressed and too anointed, to be disappointed!'
'Winners make things happen~ ~ Losers let things happen.'
Be 'Blessed' Ladies...
Like God's word says "love your neighbor as yourself." "AS YOURSELF" I think that is so important to stress that. IN order to be able to truly love others you have to first accept yourself. Love must originate from you/me and it will overflow onto others. With out first loving yourself then you may feel a sense of unworthiness to be loved by others.....Love yourself, i need to love myself....
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
???? - random thoughts
Hmmmmm, well I thought that this quarter was going to be a lot more easy than last quarter considering that I quit the rowing team. It definitely is not. I guess I just replaced the rowing team with another class and more dedication to Destino, lol oh well...and more dedication to my studies so I guess it's not all that bad.
Lately, I've been feeling a little out of it, i guess. I don't really know how to explain it , but I feel like the week goes by super fast but then again i feel like "yesterday" was "last month" its so weird.
My mind is filled with random thought write now...I had the weirdest dream last night. It was kind of scary. I don't really remember the details, but it was about papa. He was really mad, I mean, no joke, it was like one of those really really bad days where he explodes and throws things. I think in my dream it felt like he wanted to kill us (me and my family) and he wanted us to do something, I think...don't really remember. We were in a car and I think he wanted to crash it, but he got out and we managed somehow to lock him out. I remember being a little scared and I was screaming and crying. I dont think i was crying out of fear though, it was more of sadness and pain. i felt sorry for him and I felt sad that he has to suffer. I don't like seeing him suffer, but it's a choice that he has to make. He can choose to improve his life or he can choose to maintain it the way it is.
Today I called my sister and asked how papa was and she said that he reverted back to his same old self because he stopped taking his medication. He's schizophrenic. Some may say, "oh you have to understand , he's not right in the head...give him a break." He seems pretty sane to me, but i believe he just allows these evil thoughts to dwell in his head. He chooses to let them linger in his mind until they become a reality. If he had filtered or controlled these false thoughts in his mind from teh beginning then he wouldn't be in the situation/state he's in now. I feel that it is so hypocritical of him to lecture me my whole life about controlling what is in my mind when he can't even do that.
These thoughts have seemed to have found a home in my dad's head. They won't leave him or he chooses to let them stay. He has gotten so distant from God. He still puts up the facade of being Christian, such as going to church, volunteering as an usher and praying in front of the family. However, based on his actions outside of the "Christian" routine he has no relationship with God and his religion is empty, it is just a religion to him.
When I came home for break I showed him some scriptures in the bible that showed him that God will take care of him if he truly surrendered his problem to God, but he went against all teh scriptures i showed him and interpreted them in a completely different and shocking way. It hurt me and made me upset to think that my dad is tryin to overcome this disease on his own strength. He is not looking to God, he keeps saying that its not about God anymore. How can he get through it with out God? LIke it says in Phillippians 4: 6-7 Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God; and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I believe in this scripture with all my heart because in times of trial and tribulations I have chosen to seek God and he has given me this sense of peace.
This issue doesn't just affect him obviously, it affects my whole family, especially my mother. Sometimes I feel so bad that I don't have time to talk to her about all this and I feel bad that my brother will soon graduate from high school, thus leaving her alone with my dad. What can I do? I really can't do anything but pray and pray and pray. I acknowledge that this situation is present and that my family is going through difficult times, but it is in those times where i refuse to feel sorry for myself and it is in those times where i choose to seek God and trust in Him wholeheartedly because without him I wouldn't be able to get through this and all the other issues going on in my life. I thank God each and every day that I have a true RELATIONSHIP with him and that it is not just a routine ritualistic empty religion.
Lately, I've been feeling a little out of it, i guess. I don't really know how to explain it , but I feel like the week goes by super fast but then again i feel like "yesterday" was "last month" its so weird.
My mind is filled with random thought write now...I had the weirdest dream last night. It was kind of scary. I don't really remember the details, but it was about papa. He was really mad, I mean, no joke, it was like one of those really really bad days where he explodes and throws things. I think in my dream it felt like he wanted to kill us (me and my family) and he wanted us to do something, I think...don't really remember. We were in a car and I think he wanted to crash it, but he got out and we managed somehow to lock him out. I remember being a little scared and I was screaming and crying. I dont think i was crying out of fear though, it was more of sadness and pain. i felt sorry for him and I felt sad that he has to suffer. I don't like seeing him suffer, but it's a choice that he has to make. He can choose to improve his life or he can choose to maintain it the way it is.
Today I called my sister and asked how papa was and she said that he reverted back to his same old self because he stopped taking his medication. He's schizophrenic. Some may say, "oh you have to understand , he's not right in the head...give him a break." He seems pretty sane to me, but i believe he just allows these evil thoughts to dwell in his head. He chooses to let them linger in his mind until they become a reality. If he had filtered or controlled these false thoughts in his mind from teh beginning then he wouldn't be in the situation/state he's in now. I feel that it is so hypocritical of him to lecture me my whole life about controlling what is in my mind when he can't even do that.
These thoughts have seemed to have found a home in my dad's head. They won't leave him or he chooses to let them stay. He has gotten so distant from God. He still puts up the facade of being Christian, such as going to church, volunteering as an usher and praying in front of the family. However, based on his actions outside of the "Christian" routine he has no relationship with God and his religion is empty, it is just a religion to him.
When I came home for break I showed him some scriptures in the bible that showed him that God will take care of him if he truly surrendered his problem to God, but he went against all teh scriptures i showed him and interpreted them in a completely different and shocking way. It hurt me and made me upset to think that my dad is tryin to overcome this disease on his own strength. He is not looking to God, he keeps saying that its not about God anymore. How can he get through it with out God? LIke it says in Phillippians 4: 6-7 Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God; and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I believe in this scripture with all my heart because in times of trial and tribulations I have chosen to seek God and he has given me this sense of peace.
This issue doesn't just affect him obviously, it affects my whole family, especially my mother. Sometimes I feel so bad that I don't have time to talk to her about all this and I feel bad that my brother will soon graduate from high school, thus leaving her alone with my dad. What can I do? I really can't do anything but pray and pray and pray. I acknowledge that this situation is present and that my family is going through difficult times, but it is in those times where i refuse to feel sorry for myself and it is in those times where i choose to seek God and trust in Him wholeheartedly because without him I wouldn't be able to get through this and all the other issues going on in my life. I thank God each and every day that I have a true RELATIONSHIP with him and that it is not just a routine ritualistic empty religion.
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